Tag Archives | money conflicts

Spending and Saving Conflicts for Couples

ConflictSpending and Saving Conflicts for Couples

There is no doubt that arguments about money are one of the key causes of conflict in relationships. When money is in short supply, arguments often revolve around differences in attitude towards spending and the distinction between needs and wants. The interesting thing about financial decisions is that they are never right or wrong. A good financial decision is one which is made in full consideration of the consequences of the choice that is made. Choosing to spend money now rather than saving it to spend later may lower your standard of living in the long term. On the other hand, saving money now to spend later means sacrificing current lifestyle for future benefit. Neither approach is right or wrong, they just have different consequences. Conflict arises where each partner has different views about the acceptability of the consequences. Here are some guiding principles which should help to resolve conflict:

  • Respect your partner’s views and acknowledge that different attitudes to spending and saving are not right or wrong
  • Focus on understanding the consequences of financial decisions
  • Agree on which decisions need to be made jointly and which can be made individually
  • Agree an amount of money (from income and/or savings) which each partner is free to spend or save as they wish on things that are important to him or her
  • Be clear on the difference between needs and wants and make sure the essentials are taken care of first
  • Ensure that you have plans in place to cover at least your basic long term requirements before making large purchases in the short term for lifestyle reasons.

Whether you are arguing over how much your partner spends on wine or cigarettes, or how much to spend on a new car or kitchen, these guidelines should help you reach an agreement.

Comments { 0 }

Money Conflicts

Money Conflicts

According to the experts, arguments about money are one of the main causes of conflict in relationships and are also one of the key reasons why relationships end.

Differences between couples over how money is spent, saved or earned arise largely from different attitudes towards money and risk, and different money values. Very often these attitudes and values stem from childhood, but not in a predictable way. For example, someone who endured frugality in childhood may be frugal as an adult or may conversely be keen to ensure their own children have everything they want. The starting point for resolving money conflicts is to explore the differences in values and attitudes.

There are two key questions that should form the basis of discussion:

  • What things were said or taught to you about money in your childhood and how have these affected your attitudes towards money?
  • What is the purpose of money in your life?

Sayings from childhood, such as ‘money is the root of all evil’ can often instil a negative attitude towards money, which is a sure way to avoid attracting it into your life. The purpose of money in your life will depend on what you value. Perhaps security is important to you, or it might be helping your children with education costs. For some, the purpose of money is to be able to have fun and interesting experiences. Having a conversation with your partner about your attitudes and values will help uncover the points of conflict. The next step is to find ways of resolving the differences, which usually requires a logical analysis of the issues and some degree of compromise.

As with most other conflicts in relationships, money conflicts can generally be resolved with good communication and an understanding of each other’s perspective 

Comments { 0 }